The more you know

Moral reasoning for college students:

Problem: I really want to have sex with this girl, but my lame-ass Catholic university won't provide condoms for the dorms. What do I do?

Answer: If one is unwilling to walk a block or two off campus to purchase a condom before engaging in sexual intercourse, then one lacks the basic maturity, stamina, and patience to be anything but a sub par lover at best. This is not to say that accomplishing said task makes you anything more than hopeful AND horny. Save yourself the embarrassment and say goodnight.

Problem: My professor keeps saying that ethical norms are an oppressive construct of the dominant class in a society and that it is my duty to subvert these dominant paradigms by asserting my own being-against-ness, thereby freeing myself of false consciousness and embracing the bitter truth that existence is a meaningless, absurd void? What do I do?

Answer: A truly meaningless existence will resist any attempts at understanding through reflection, thereby negating the need for dedicated study among other things. Subvert the illusory dominance of your professor by skipping class. Note: I am not responsible for the bad faith and moral dissonance of professors who will take vengeance for their thwarted sense of control and therefore flunk your lazy ass. Rock the boat at your own risk.